When couples take their vows, generally these are vows they agree to and they really believe they won't have to worry about with their new partner. "In sickness and in heath, for richer for poorer and for better or worse," come to mind. When we look at the research, most of the reasons someone files for divorce is because they believe that their marriage has experienced a worse, worse than what they thought the "worse" was going to be. (Does that make sense!?!) In other words, your marriage is experiencing something worse than you ever imaged it would.
( Better --------------------------Worse) ---------------------More Worse
What you thought! What you never thought!
Here are some of the "worse" ones that have been mentioned in my counseling office over the past 17 years. (Maybe some apply to where you are now!)
1. He/She spends too much money! (41% of all divorces are about arguments about money.)
2. We aren't on the same page anymore on just about everyything (kids, work, faith, balanced work around the house, sex....)
3. I don't love him/her anymore. The feelings are gone.
4. He works too much and has no time for me or the kids.
5. I caught him looking at pornography the other day. What a pig.
6. She calls and texts some guy at work all the time. It's not right.
7. Everything was great until we had children. Now I am so exhausted with them every day that I have no energy left for him when he comes home.
8. We have both been working so much that we have drifted apart.
9. He/she spends so much time doing ministry, that they have no time for us at home.
10. He/she has been out of work for so long, I am tired of carrying the full load.
11. I am exhausted from being over critcized and under appreciated.
This isn't an exhaustive list by any means, but it is quite a list. What happened to the love you used to share with each other? Where are the times spent together to cherish the relationship and build memories? Why are our priorities so messed up?
Unfortunately, by the time couples get to a counselor, they have been in at least one of these places for way too long and they seem to be near the bottom of their energy tank. They have lost almost all hope that it can ever get better.
Well, it can!
With a little direction, and a lot of hard work, you can find love again and we can get you back on the same page. Hope can be restored!
Give us a call at 562-989-HOPE (4673) and you will see how!